I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
