The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
