she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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