Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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