I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I sprained my soul last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
