wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
