This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
