**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
