so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
