Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
