not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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