I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
