Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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