Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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