Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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