# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have post one night stand depression
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