I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
