You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
