did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
