I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
