Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
