I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
