i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
