i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
