New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
