One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Houston, we have a blender
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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