I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
