I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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