Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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