i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We left an ass print on the piano.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
