Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
