Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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