Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
