Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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