It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
