No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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