I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
