Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
