I got chris browned last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
