True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
