Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
