i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
