the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
