I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
