I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
