it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
