He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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