You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
