is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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