If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
