Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think brook has ever known best
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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